Removing Toxic People From Your Life…

removing toxic people from your life

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There’s a lot of information out there about toxins and their lasting negative effects on our physical health. We all know about the detrimental effects of artificial preservatives, additives, pesticides, and the like. But what about the negative effect toxic people have on our heath?

Can encounters with toxic people effect our physical, mental, and emotional health? If so, how do we protect ourselves from further harm? Then again, we survivors always struggle with putting our own needs first…Is it selfish to remove toxic people from our life?

Before you answer that hard question, ask yourself one more: Could removing such people turn out to be life saving?

Emotionally toxic people can ravage us from the inside out. Yet, what exactly defines a toxic person depends on who you talk to. In my life, I’ve found toxic people are those who:

  • take and never give in return
  • constantly complain
  • gossips
  • puts others down
  • makes others feel guilty
  • can only criticize

What all toxic people have in common is that they always leave us powerless, vulnerable, and depleted. And for us, feeling this way for long periods of time is devastating to our physical and emotional health. All in all, toxic people don’t help us, they harm us.

Just as with toxins in our food and environment, to keep ourselves safe, toxic people need to be avoided whenever possible.

On my blog, I’ve shared what works for me to keep myself, my sanity, safe whenever I’m in the presence of a toxic person. Since then, I’ve shared it countless times and helped others remove toxins from their lives too. So, below, I’ve shared them again, with you.

Be forewarned, though. Some of these tips are going to be hard to swallow at first. But try them out for yourself anyway. See what works for you. So far, following these guidelines has helped me not only be toxic people free, but also stress free. What a life saver…

Walk Away

Say, for instance, you are in a room full of people, and someone starts gossiping, ranting about this or that, complaining about anything and everything, and you know – you know – that no matter what you say, however eloquent, you will never change this person’s mind…just walk away.You do not have to be there to hear all of their negativity. Your presence is not necessary. They will rant and complain to anyone! Who says it has to be you anymore?Leave with your sanity intact! Save yourself!

Here’s what you do: Stand up, totally calm, grab your children so they can escape too, and nonchalantly leave the room. Come back only when you know enough time has passed that everyone else in the room has argued ’till they’re blue in the face with the toxic person, to no avail, and the topic has been changed.

Phew! You saved yourself from a toxic encounter!

Take Yourself Out of the Equation

How about this…There was a huge misunderstanding between you and someone and, had it happened between you and a person capable of having a normal conversation, it would’ve been resolved in a calm, adult conversation.Except this is a toxic person. They do not know how to have a conversation. They only know how to yell, scream, belittle. Nothing is normal about them. Instead of coming to you with the problem, they’ve been gossiping to everyone how you did this and you did that, bad mouthing you to everyone and anyone who will listen. It doesn’t matter if what they say is false or true, take yourself out of the equation.Don’t play their game. Don’t stoop to their level. Don’t counter act all their assaults. Remove yourself. If need be, say your bit to the toxic person – just the facts – totally calm and firm, and then let it go. You did your part. You’ve cleaned yourself of the misunderstanding. Now, let it go.

Chances are everyone else is just as fed up with this person as you are. Eventually, everyone will see that it’s just another one of this toxic person’s tirades and will start see your wise ways of getting out of the way. They too will remove themselves from this person’s path, seeing how calm and relaxed you are by no longer being involved with this toxic person.

If they don’t, it’s not your problem. Take care of yourself.

Take Responsibility

For your health! It’s your health. If you don’t take care of yourself, who will? No one.Are you going to continue to let this person shape your life for the worse? Allow yourself to feel the effects of their negativity so much that it is effecting your health? They take and never give.Who is to blame that this person is still in your life? Them? Nope, sorry folks. It’s no one’s fault but your own.  They are always going to do what they do. But what they do to you is up to you. No one else.

If you don’t want to be treated poorly, don’t allow it. Do what you have to do to take control of your life. If that means no longer engaging someone in a conversation because you know it’s going to turn sour, then don’t!

If you know that just by being around a certain toxic person brings you down and causes you to feel horrible for days, weeks later, then limit or restrict your contact with that person.

You are in charge of your life, of you. Don’t let others bring you down. You have to take care of your health so that you can take care of all the other things and people in your life you are responsible for.

I know this is the hardest one to swallow, but it’s true. Just think about it. You are in charge of you. You need to take care of you. You. You. You!

So, there you have it. My own ways of dealing with the toxins in my life. What works for you may be different, as there are many ways in which you can save your sanity and your health.

If you have any of your own ideas and tips, please share! We can all use additional tools in our arsenal against our toxic common enemies…

That said, here’s to taking great care of ourselves and removing toxins from our life!



Lia-Mack-400-400Lia Mack is the author of Waiting for Paint to Dry (Pen L, May 2015), one woman’s quest to reclaim inner peace, take back her life, and stumble into love… Mack has also seen her creative non-fiction writing in various publications such as The Washington Post, Nickelodeon Jr. Magazine, Advances in Bereavement Magazine and Nesting Magazine.

You can visit her online at www.LiaMack.com.

Gain Empowerment Through Self-Healing

Today I’m sharing a Guest Post by Eve Pearce who wanted to share a healing article on Survivor Manual.

Gain Empowerment Through Self-Healing

By Eve Pearce

Healing oneself is a gradual process; it is a long and winding road, down which we take tiny steps. Healing steps toward happiness and self-fulfilment. You have to remember that healing comes to us all at different rates, and by healing ourselves, we are gaining empowerment. It is not a race to the finish line, it’s a stroll through life that we all take at a different pace. You are unique, and your healing process is your own. You will learn to move on. There are some steps and exercises, however, which can help you down your road.

Forgive

Forgiveness isn’t saying that what happened to you was okay. It isn’t absolving someone of their abusive behaviour. It is letting go of your pain or your anger and saying: you cannot control me any more, you cannot hurt me any more, and you are not going to effect my life and happiness. Forgiveness is a tool which you can utilise to move on. It may not come overnight, or even this week, this month, or this year, but keep on trying and eventually you will forgive, and drop this person from your life forever. Destructive people are not worth your thought or mental energy. There is no explaining their actions, so in the end you just have to accept what happened and allow yourself to continue down your road. You have all the power here.

Drop Harmful Behaviours

Survivors of abuse and trauma are more likely to engage in actions or behaviours which they feel might help dull their mental pain or anguish. It follows, however, that these behaviours can often be harmful or destructive. Drug use or excessive drinking of alcohol might seem like they help, but this is only a short-term fix and, not only will it not help your mental state or aid it your healing, it can also be extremely damaging for the body and for your physical health. So, get yourself clean and substance-free, seeking professional help where necessary. Engage in positive behaviours and activities to help with your pain, such as art therapy, music or writing. Being creative is a great way to aid yourself down your road to healing, because it can help you to address your pain in a useful way. You will learn that good things can be born from pain and trauma, not just sadness or hate.

Learn to Trust

Learning to trust again can be hard. How can someone who has been abused, especially by someone who claimed to love or care for them, ever really believe in someone else again? You have to remember that, although there are bad people in this world, there are a lot of good and kind ones, too. You have to trust in the ultimate goodness of humanity. That is not to say that you should trust without reason. People in your life should have to earn your trust, and if you ever feel wary about an individual’s motives or intentions, then trust yourself. Learn to believe in your own instincts, they may be stronger than you give them credit for. But all in all, you should open up your life to people, and allow them to share in your experiences.

Love Yourself

As a survivor of abuse or trauma, it is sometimes difficult to see yourself for the beautiful and strong person that you are. If you have been told negative things about yourself again and again, it can be a challenge to accept that there are endless positive and wonderful aspects of yourself that make you who you are. If you start to feel bad about yourself, remember that those thoughts are a result of another person’s disordered way of thinking, and are not really about you. Tell yourself that you are an amazing individual. Think about the things you do like about yourself and work from there. You will soon learn to love yourself, which will, in turn, help you to heal.

This is your road. Never forget that you are the most powerful person in your life, because you are responsible for your own healing, and you will succeed. There may be the occasional setback or bump in the road, but you have all the tools and will enough to keep on moving.

Guest Post by Eve Pearce who wanted to share a healing article on Survivor Manual.