Dear Dr. Young,

Thank you for your excellent article.

I was abused by a classmate in elementary school. With the help of a therapist I recalled enough details so that it became clear to me that my abuser was being abused, by someone in his home.

After the session, the therapist I was seeing suggested I write an account of the abuse for possible sharing with my family. This was not as successful as I had hoped.

My parents did not want to talk about it; my sister did not want to talk about it.

In my frustration I wanted to yell out, “well, you are disturbed by what happened? So am I. Living with it has been really disturbing. So I think I’ll deal with it. Why don’t I come back in, say, 20 years and let you know how it went?”

I didn’t. Maybe I should have persisted, but in my family we had a strict unspoken rule: Do Not Rock the Boat!

My mother and father are both dead now. No, I didn’t do it; my father died of Alzheimer’s and emphysema, my mother of congestive heart failure two years after my father died. Looking back, my parents, while I loved them, went by “what other people do.” Watch what other people do, and do the same. You can think anything you want about it, just don’t tell anyone.

So now I’m following slightly different advice; I will mourn my parents, but I think I’ll be myself now.

Hello you Beautiful Rebel Star*
And to all of you out there who BELIEVE! This is the most incredible metaphor, Angela, and I it resonates so deeply with where I am in my healing path, connecting the movement and rhythm into the universe where we are bursting out Rebel Stars left and right doing Nia! Dancing into our Pandoras anytime we want!
Nia Nicaragua is March 21-28, and if you want to dance in Pandora….WELL, this is IT! Can’t wait til October in Asheville.
Big loving squishy hugs,
Kate

I am SO glad that Mackenzie now realizes that incest is NEVER consensual. It broke my heart previously when I read that she had said that. Wow! Way to go, Mackenzie. She is clearly on her way.

Thank you Alison! It was not until I started treating all the dimensions of myself that I started to feel better. For a long time I understood things (healing techniques) in my head, could recite them, but had a hard time, feel my body and connecting with my heart. Like they say the longest journey we will take is from our head to our heart! I will share this and your future articles with other survivors. Thank you!

I listened to part of this radio broadcast. I appreciate that Renee makes a point about stopping the complaints and using that energy to take action.

He project isn’t about quick fixes, its about gathering facts that will speak to the “judge” types. We must be willing to adapt to accomplish great things. She is applying her analytical skills and gathered young eager interns.

Take a listen and see how you can apply your talents towards your passion. Its not about having the right talent for the right cause. Your talents can be applied to the passion of your cause.

I am so glad that Mackinzie has come back and said that incest is never consensual. I wonder who brainwashed her into believing that bit of garbage. Incest is never consensual. Believing that it is is buying into the lies that say the abuse is the fault of the child. That is the shame of the father being passed down to the child.

Awesome inspiration and healing tips, as always , Angela! For me, I ‘chose’ to start thinking more highly of myself years ago, before I actually began my true healing journey. Yes, it did help, but it was only a band-aid. I had to go deeper. When I was asleep, my mind was still working on OVERTIME, and BIGTIME!

I know you are wise to the psychological damage trauma does cause. It is just important for those who have endured trauma, such as child sexual abuse, to understand that thinking positively about one’s self is only going to get them through that moment. Self-preservation comes in many forms. It is a daily battle. We can train our minds through discipline. When our mind starts to wander (which can happen at any given moment for me), we have to snap it back into place. This is a continual practice! I just found I could not do this on my own anymore. I was not healing!

I am not talking about needing my therapist. It took God to come in and really do some work IN me. Honestly, He has become my Counselor. I still go to others for lay counseling or therapy when I am in that place where their expertise is needed, but they are not there when I am in my bed at night and I am suddenly struck with a flashback while reading someone’s memoir.

There is also our Emotional Nervous System; the Limbic System. Michael Dye has co-founded a program called The Genesis Process http://www.genesisprocess.org/NewSite/New%20Gen/genesisprocesses.htm

The Genesis Process explains: “We have two parts to our brains. The first part is the neocortex. It is located in the front of the head and receives and stores information for decision making and remembering. The other part is called the limbic system, which controls all the automatic systems of the body and the emotions. Most importantly, the limbic system controls the survival responses, i.e., fight or flight and freeze. When you feel threatened, these protective responses tell you either to defend yourself or to run away or go numb. The limbic system doesn’t have a memory like the neocortex. It doesn’t know the difference between yesterday and 30 years ago, which explains why some of our childhood traumas still trigger us so powerfully today. It is the limbic system that is most affected by our beliefs, behaviors and addictions. The limbic system can be negatively programmed through traumatic experiences such as growing up in a stressful or” dysfunctional family”. Basically the limbic systems encourages us to repeat things that give us pleasure and take away pain and avoid things that hurt or have to do with fear. Drugs, alcohol and other compulsive behaviors have programmed the limbic system to avoid the awareness of uncomfortable thoughts and feelings instead of making healthy responses to resolve fear.

I completed this program and learned how to reprogram the wiring in my emotional nervous system. Of course, it is painful. All reconstruction requires demolition of some sort. What I loved about this program was the combination of science with spirituality. The lies embedded into my brain and my heart were replaced with truth; God’s truth in who I was created to be. It was man, and the evil in this world that took hold of me, but through God’s healing love, the shackles of shame and fear are broken.

Joyce Meyer calls it the Battlefield of the Mind. There was a spiritual battle going on; a fight for my mind, bodyt, and soul. The war still rages on. I used to see (and feel) little demons jumping on my feet at the foot of my bed. Nightmares were full of death. My mother used to have seances in our home, not to mention the spiritual darkness the Hell’s Angels carried into our house.

http://www.joycemeyer.org/NR/rdonlyres/D0B0EFF5-A9CF-41C1-9D95-6F74F2006264/0/WhereMindGoes.pdf

Again, I just love you and embrace everything your personal journey has brought to the rest of us. I am a huge supporter and have gained a deeper understanding of so many things through this movement. You rock, Angela ♥

Ok, so I’ve already been working with steps 2-5 here, in some capacity – I’ve known about the whole sword of trauma thing for awhile now – year or so, I think.
Reading back through it though, I do see where I just need more practice, some reminders.
Maybe it’s that dagger that I haven’t quite uncovered yet??? Dang, at this rate I’ll have a whole arsenal of weapons by the time I’m done.

Hi, Just to say this is great, except your links in the article ‘Healing Holly’ need updating as they’re defunct. Thanks though, Louise

Hey, What did you do? What happened next did you figure it out? Be great to see a follow up on this. I cured my asthma with what I eat and how I live so its not just stress related and allergies. I cured my allergies too and my skin. Inside out. I write about some of this on my blog at http://www.positiveimpactliving.blogspot.com

I love your site! Check out mine on abuse- http://solegroup.blogspot.com/

Free call for those hurting from sexual abuse as a child
Topic: Understanding the feelings of the victim and the molester
Discuss, vent and heal. Together we grow pass it!
Scheduled Conference Date:Friday, February 19, 2010
Scheduled Start Time:10:00 PM Eastern Std Time
Dial-in Number:1-218-936-4700 Midwest
Participant Access Code: 2811865

Good one, Angela. I like this poem a lot.

I’m not one to do this sort of thing but tonight, I’m inspired

“Asking”

When you want to ask for help
When you want to say you need a hug
When you want to move to get that warm, caring touch

You feel your tummy burn
sink
sick

You’re afraid to ask
Afraid of how they might see you
Afraid to be needy and pathetic
Afraid to ask for something you feel you don’t deserve
Afraid that asking means agreeing to something else you don’t want

Asking means saying it’s okay
means you want them to do it
means allowing someone to hurt you even though you only
wanted to be held and loved.
Asking means you consent.

But it isn’t true. Love and care do not equal sex.
I hope we can learn that together.

So that you can ask for a hug
When you feel small
afraid
sad
hurt
And you won’t feel ashamed for
Asking.

That is one of the things that makes life enjoyable and fun IS when we can stop worrying about what others will think of our performance and we just do something that makes us laugh. This is one of those moments. I look forward to more silly and fun stuff from you.

timeless wisdom. The key is learning to feel the correct feeling when someone starts their abuse. If you feel yourself go numb, chances are you are around an abuser. It's an amazing process.