The Need for Boundaries – “Do No Harm” Starts with Me

Licia Berry

Licia Berry

My experience with folks that don’t observe boundaries is that we need to let them know they have crossed them; otherwise they don’t get the opportunity to learn how they are being harmful.

I used to think that as a deeply spiritual person I needed to turn the other cheek…that I was reflecting the divinity in myself by allowing them to be hurtful, telling myself they were having a bad day, “beaming unconditional love at them”.  As I have grown spiritually, I am learning that allowing others to be hurtful violates the number one divine law that I learned, which is “Do No Harm”, and that allowing others to harm ME means I am violating that law.

I have also observed that giving someone feedback about how they have crossed a boundary gives them the opportunity to correct their behavior, and if they are truly wanting to heal themselves, and opportunity to go inward to see why they are driven to cross boundaries in the ways they do.  But it doesn’t happen unless I let them know they were hurtful to me.

I let some people in my life hurt me for a very long time because I was “too spiritual” to say anything about their trespasses.  I wasn’t creating any urgency for them to heal. I was actually contributing to their woundedness by not setting any limits.  In co-dependency terms, this is called “enabling”.  As I began to cherish my well being, and set limits when they crossed healthy boundaries, my life began to improve.

Join me for a discussion on Feminine/Masculine Leadership and “The Need for Boundaries” on Illumined Hearts Radio this Saturday at 1:00 Eastern.  http://www.blogtalkradio.com/liciaberry

 

Giving In & Letting Go…How to Open Yourself Up to Possibilities in Healing

I’ve been thinking about the importance of some of the crap we humans have to endure and survive lately. Sometimes bad things happen to good people. People who play by the rules. People who say please and thank you. People that just do good and are good. I mean, honestly, don’t we all find it crazy making to witness lightning striking in the path of good people?

Yet…does lightning ever ask?
Or does it just strike?

Good people, bad people. It strikes us all. It’s simply a part of life, like it or not.

And we could willy-nilly go on accepting that lightning will strike us and those we know at random times during our life. For the most part, I think we all do just accept it and move on. Except when the big ones hit. Then we want to know why. Demand to know why. To what end did this happen? How does something bad happening to someone good fit in the grand scheme of things?

Because, honestly, humanly, horrible things happening to anyone doesn’t seem to make any sense…

Only, once we start down the worn road of questioning the Universe, this Great Mystery we call life, it’s easy to get bogged down in the wondering and the why’ing. How on Earth are we to think positively – or better yet, find a way to accept and move on – from the lightning that strikes in our lives and in the lives of those we know and love?

This is the main ingredient I’ve been chewing on lately. Do we just dwell in the darkness of the why’s? Because that’s easy to do. Forget life. Forget God. Forget ever breaking back into the light. I know. I’ve been there. Seen many people I know and love get stuck.

Yet, and this might be a stretch for some, but….there’s something to having the unthinkable happen to you. Forget all the, “what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger/weirder,” sayings. What I’m talking about it is much greater. And can help you live through and move on along your healing journey.

You just have to do One. Hard. Impossible. Thing.

Give in.

Give in to the possibility that it – everything – is meant to be. Meant to happen.

I’ve always believed everything happens for a reason. That belief came after a few big booming lightning strikes took me out of the game for a few years (aka, a decade). To bounce back from them, there was one sure fire way to get back into living and loving life.

BY GIVING IN.

Give in to the possibility that what happened, happened for a purpose…

This can be a hard concept to accept. Why? Because to do so, you have to do one more impossibly hard thing.

LET GO.

Let go of your own concept of what life is.
Let go of who you think is in charge.
Let go of the could-have-been’s in your life.

There comes a time – and sometimes, many times – in our lives that we are presented with a notion, a thought, an arbitrary line of thinking, that maybe, just maybe, things could have been different. Life – its ups and down, its challenges, its crosses to bear – could have been different. Would have been.

If only I had made that one choice differently…things would have turned out, different.

Let Go.

Let go of the past. Let go of the could have been… Let go.

and

Give In.

Give in to the notion that something great can and will come of this.

I know. This took me years to accept, discover. Sometimes, it’s insanely hard to fathom something good coming out of something bad.

Yet…

The only way to find light in darkness – no matter the saturation- is to let go of the darkness. Let go of the wondering, the why’ing. Why me? Why now? Why? Why? Why? If you don’t let go, then questions and worry will be all you ever have. All that will ever be brought to you.

What you put out into the Universe, the Universe sends back to you.

If you let go and give in, something extraordinary will happen. It can happen right away…or it can happen years from now. And that’s what may be the hardest thing about letting go: the unknown. You don’t know what’s going to come of this. Or when. Or how.

Scary.

But you can do it. Let go…

Of your frustrations.
Of your worry.
Of your hope.

Yes, that too. If you’re always looking down a path, straining to see the light, hoping you won’t miss it, you might not see something glistening off to the side.

So, let go.

And give in.

Give in to any and all possibility. The answer you want, crave, need, may not ever come in the form you desire. That’s the importance of letting go; let go of ALL your expectations.

We don’t know why bad things happen to us. To anyone. But they are a part of life. By being giving in and letting go, we can help facilitate the healing that is all important to our life and well being.

So, that’s your homework. Two really simple impossible things to do…that I know you can do:

1. Let Go.
2. Give in.

Peace be with you, now and always,
Lia Mack


Lia-Mack-400-400Lia Mack is the author of Waiting for Paint to Dry (Pen L, May 2015), one woman’s quest to reclaim inner peace, take back her life, and stumble into love… Mack has also seen her creative non-fiction writing in various publications such as The Washington Post, Nickelodeon Jr. Magazine, Advances in Bereavement Magazine and Nesting Magazine.

You can visit her online at www.LiaMack.com.

Film: Stories of healing and the movement to end child sexual abuse

Holidays are around the corner and buying presents for friends can be fun, but also nerve wracking. This holiday season our team is asking supporters to make a gift donation in the name of a family member or friend. Give the gift of awareness, prevention and healing surrounding child sexual abuse.
We are asking supporters to share our fundraising page with your network, friends, family, co-workers and educational institutions, etc. Simply send a donation in the name of a friend, family member or co-worker. We will send them a lovely card telling them about your gift. Click here to make a donation:http://www.indiegogo.com/You-and-Me-and-the-Fruit-Trees?a=24817&i=addr

You can also help by sharing your stories, thoughts or advicesurrounding child sexual abuse on our Facebook page at: http://www.facebook.com/pages/You-and-Me-and-the-Fruit-Trees/221780444504995 This page was created for the community to share, exchange ideas and offer advice. 

Community has the power to make a difference. What does that mean? That means creating dialogue in your community and asking your friends and family to help. Here are 3 ways you can help:

1. Spread the work by using social media, twitter and Facebook. Ideas for post or tweets:
• Learn how you can be part of the movement to end child sexual abuse. Donate today: http://www.indiegogo.com/You-and-Me-and-the-Fruit-Trees?a=24817&i=addr
• 1 in 3 girls and 1 in 6 boys are sexually abused before age 18: http://www.indiegogo.com/You-and-Me-and-the-Fruit-Trees?a=24817&i=add

• Child sexual abuse and systems of oppression have an interdependent relationship. What are we missing? http://www.indiegogo.com/You-and-Me-and-the-Fruit-Trees?a=24817&i=add
• What does it say about our families, communities, and society to have cases of CSA reach endemic numbers?: http://www.indiegogo.com/You-and-Me-and-the-Fruit-Trees?a=24817&i=add
• Removing the stigma and moving forward:  http://www.indiegogo.com/You-and-Me-and-the-Fruit-Trees?a=24817&i=add

2. Donate to help complete the film. The information provided in the film should be readily available to the public. Each year 1 in 3 girls and 1 in 6 boys are sexually abused. Each year the current child welfare system fails these vulnerable children. Through each story shared and expert testimony, the film will provide a new model for effectively addressing CSA. We have also taken the model and incorporated it in our campaign strategy. You can help make this possible. Click here to make a donation: http://www.indiegogo.com/You-and-Me-and-the-Fruit-Trees?a=24817&i=add

3. Request a screening in your community.

Pictured below is Angel (featured in the film) with her dog, sitting on a memorial bench dedicated to her dear friend. Read more about the film shoot this past Saturday below.

Film Update:

This past Saturday we had the honor to film Angel Cassidy Borst. We followed her and Linda, her close friend to McLaren Park in San Francisco. Angel visited the bench in memory of her dear friend Norma Hotaling and co-founder of SAGE, Standing Against Global Exploitation. She is pictured above with her dog Rowan. The film shoot was more than we could hope for.

Two weeks ago we filmed Aqueila and her mother. This is a challenge, as often family members distance themselves or are in complete denial. Aqueila’s mom was candid about the cycle of sexual abuse in the family and what she wish she could have done to help Aqueila. It was an emotional, compelling film shoot to say the least. We could not have filmed Aqueila and her mother or Angel if it was not for individual donations. Thank you for your support.

Warmly

Tracey Quezada
Producer, Director
www.traceyquezadaproductions.com