The Need for Boundaries – “Do No Harm” Starts with Me

Licia Berry

Licia Berry

My experience with folks that don’t observe boundaries is that we need to let them know they have crossed them; otherwise they don’t get the opportunity to learn how they are being harmful.

I used to think that as a deeply spiritual person I needed to turn the other cheek…that I was reflecting the divinity in myself by allowing them to be hurtful, telling myself they were having a bad day, “beaming unconditional love at them”.  As I have grown spiritually, I am learning that allowing others to be hurtful violates the number one divine law that I learned, which is “Do No Harm”, and that allowing others to harm ME means I am violating that law.

I have also observed that giving someone feedback about how they have crossed a boundary gives them the opportunity to correct their behavior, and if they are truly wanting to heal themselves, and opportunity to go inward to see why they are driven to cross boundaries in the ways they do.  But it doesn’t happen unless I let them know they were hurtful to me.

I let some people in my life hurt me for a very long time because I was “too spiritual” to say anything about their trespasses.  I wasn’t creating any urgency for them to heal. I was actually contributing to their woundedness by not setting any limits.  In co-dependency terms, this is called “enabling”.  As I began to cherish my well being, and set limits when they crossed healthy boundaries, my life began to improve.

Join me for a discussion on Feminine/Masculine Leadership and “The Need for Boundaries” on Illumined Hearts Radio this Saturday at 1:00 Eastern.


Stories of healing and the movement to end childhood sexual abuse

Film shoots continue, grants received and we welcome new team members this year!

This year kicked off with much opportunity, pushing the film forward. We received the Eva and Lucius Eastman fund grant. This will help us wrap up the film shoots and move on to post production.  We would like to welcome Tracy Johnson to our team, Tracy writes, produces and directs programs for The History Channel, A&E, Court TV, Food Network and many other networks. Welcome Tracy and we welcome, yet, another Tracey.  Tracey Amaya as our new intern, she will be assisting with transcribing and event planning. Can we say Team Tracey!

On February 17th we interviewed Howard Fradkin Ph.D., LICDC of Male Survivor, he has counseled over 1000 male survivors. Dr. Fradkin was also featured as an expert on Oprah’s historic two shows, featuring 200 male survivors gathered together to offer hope and inspiration for the millions of survivors around the world.  It was an honor to interview Dr. Fradkin. He discussed how to thrive after childhood sexual abuse, what bystanders can do to help break the stigma and shared his new book Breaking the Silence: Empowering Male Survivors to Thrive.

Finally, Tracey Quezada the producer will speak at UC Berkeley, Gender Equity Department April 10th at 6:00pm, we will screen the work in progress with a Q and A discussion.  We want to hear your questions and comments, please save the date!


Tracey Quezada
Producer, Writer, Director

Empowering Women to Unite & Mobilize Tonight

Renee Beeker from The National Family Court Watch Project

On BlogTalk Radio
Wednesday, February 10, 2010
9:30 pm – 11:00pm EST

The National Family Court Watch Project believes that large‐scale data will reveal national trends and ignite a call for change in the family court system. The project is a conversation springboard and a “quiet observer” to get a sense of what’s happening in the family courts, report those findings publicly through a new conduit and work with judges and the public to find solutions.  Join us to hear all about this important project.  The National Family Court Watch Project is dedicated to providing an impartial assessment of the effectiveness of family courts in dealing with custody, visitation, support and property issues. This project also focuses on how well child protection and family violence concerns are resolved.  Renee Beeker is the founder and President of the National Family Court Watch Project.  A speaker and advocate for reform of the judicial system since 1996, Renee is a respected contributing member to many professional and grassroots organizations.  Renee has been an invited speaker at numerous conferences around the United States.  Renee’s article, The Illusion of Protection Uncovered: Review of the Special Journal Issue on Child Custody and Domestic Violence, was published in the February/March 2006 issue of the Domestic Violence Report.  Renee has designed a comprehensive Court Watch observational instrument that is being used in the National Family Court Watch Project.  Renee Beeker is President of Michigan National Organization for Women and was appointed chair for the NOW Family Law Advisory Ad Hoc Committee serving since 2004. Renee serves on various committees both in her state and nationally.   Renee holds a Bachelor of Science degree in Organizational Communications from Eastern Michigan University.

No radio needed Our show is online – If your computer is down no problem call on the phone and hear the entire show right on the phone.

Upcoming Show: 2/10/2010 7:30 PM

Bring your comments. 

Call-in Number: (347) 838-8011 + 1 to connect to the host

Event: Free Us Now Radio Show 
What: Radio Talk Show
Host: BettyJean Kling

Call-in Number: (347) 838-8011 + 1 to connect to the host