Love, Support and Protection for Male #Survivors

Help for Male Survivors

Today, writer Danielle Paradis shared helpful information–including facts supported by legal precedent–to help to remind you that you are not to blame for what took place, and she also shared a must-see video.

Coercion is Sexual Assault: Erasing Male Rape Victims

by Danielle Paradis

It really surprised me today that an MRA going by the name Angry Harry would present me with a blog post on what they are calling “Violence Against Men Day” with a post that describes a scene with a woman withdrawing consent, but then continuing with the act of sex–and apparently enjoying it.

What surprised me about this post was that he dismissed the way in which a male friend of mine was raped. He dismissed coercion as a rape tactic. Which is incidentally the way in which men are often sexually assaulted. Of course, he did this to dismiss feminists discussion of rape, but the point remains. It’s really offensive to throw male victims under the bus to prove a point. It’s Rape Culture at its finest. ()

Please Click Here to Read the Full Blog Post.

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Here’s a big “Mwah” for male survivors out there. Plus a “Squish!” for good measure.

We see you, and we love you.

You.Are.Loved.

Namaste,

Jaye

More Help For Male Survivors

 

As I Breathe, I Learn. 4 Tips for Creating An Attitude of Gratitude

PeaceandCalm 

“It is only with the heart that one can see rightly; what is essential is invisible to the eye.”

The Little Prince

Life is for learning. How often have you heard this or a similar sentiment, doing your best to suss out what that means, or filing it away entirely?

It can be hard to see sometimes but every day, we’re graced with at least one major opportunity to learn about ourselves. These lessons don’t have to be hard-earned, or even hard, but often they can feel that way. We can of course learn from what’s comfortable and uncomfortable in our experiences.

I’m firmly convinced that everything and everyone in our experience teaches us something.

Noted author Kahlil Gibran brought to mind the idea that we can always discover and explore lessons in kindness from those who seem unkind…as he digs even deeper into the idea, he chides us for complaining about others who are unkind, calling such expressions ungrateful. In a sense, he could be right.

Right?

As I reconnect with the idea however, I realize that complaint is an expression of a desire for things to be better, an elevated “ouch!” and ultimately the soul’s request for healing and insight. So-called “ungrateful” expressions are gratitudes not yet discovered or explored, expressed or claimed.

Yes, mean people (more kindly seen, hurt people who are acting out with actions that could be viewed as mean) can in fact always teach us to be “a little kinder.” Reflecting kindness back to disharmonious people or in uncomfortable situations is a decision, a habit, a practice.

Here are four tips to keep handy when you want to claim, reclaim, or experience an “attitude of gratitude:”

  1. Accept What Is, Right Now:  Making yourself or others wrong helps no one’s progress, and yet sometimes it’s the best we know. Once you accept what is and make peace with it, you can operate and make decisions with a clearer head. It also makes letting go of the past, forgetting mistakes, and dropping any perceived hurt sense that much easier.
  2. Focus on Learning Instead of Reacting: Be curious, stay in wonder (I got this “wonder-full” learning tip from  Gay and Katie Hendricks). When you are in reaction mode, it can rob you of the opportunity to make more conscious and loving decisions. Responding in a “like with like” manner (i.e. “You’re mean, so I’ll be mean”) destroys any chance of helping either party feel better. Ultimately, water puts out fires. Be like water. Here’s a great example, courtesy of Kathlyn and Gay Hendricks: ask, “I wonder what that means?” Being in a state of wonder can be internal. It’s something you can even just think to yourself. If the other party is somewhat interactive and willing to engage with you, you could even proactively ask, “Hm, I’m curious…what did you mean by that?” and stay present for their response with no attachment to what the outcome “should” be like.
  3. Make It “A New Day:” Let’s say you react with bitter tears, you mouth off like a hothead, or you otherwise seem to disappoint yourself in any given situation. Now, what? So what? Shrug it all off and make it a new day, right now. Whether that mental change happens in the early morning, late afternoon or middle of the night, just begin again. We can always begin anew. That’s why we call spiritual practices practices.
  4. Just Be Kind: Above all, just be kind. We are all doing the best we can. Just because someone else’s version of “doing their best” isn’t at all apparent to you, it doesn’t change this universal truth. Apply this rule to yourself first and foremost. Don’t worry, it’s not selfish—it will automatically reflect outward in your interactions with others. That’s just how life works.

Namaste,

Jaye

Good: Grief. On Grief, Remembrances and Moving Forward.

bloom

On Grief, Remembrances and Moving Forward.

by Jaye Johnson

What’s grief but a felt sense of loss?

And what’s remembrance but a… re-membering? A sense of “Putting it all back together.”

When we lose or lose touch with people we know, know of, love and respect, the pain can seem so hard to bear. So unspeakable. But speak about it we must.

Unresolved feelings—including mournful ones—find ways and means of expression that surprise us in ways we can’t even comprehend. For health’s sake, for closure’s sake, breathing life into grief so that it can transform, resolve itself, bring about healing, is essential to your well-being.

As each day makes its way into our collective consciousness, I renew my thoughts.

I remind myself of the spiritual truth that nothing is ever lost or hidden in Divine Mind. Memories keep our loved ones alive—this Life is eternal. Paradoxically, these feelings of being separated from others remind us of how we are all interconnected.

Seeing each day, moment, holiday, ritual, shared or sacred time as symbolic, we honor and celebrate all that is lovable with in ourselves.

Each life is precious. Each life lost…still cherished.

You are precious. You are cherished. Your loving thoughts keep those you have lost alive. Precious. Cherished.

Namaste,

Jaye

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Healing Happens: Discover Helpful Resources & Links

Angela Shelton – Healing – Angela Shelton is a healing sherpa and a walking, rocking testament that joy and healing happens. I’ve never seen anyone handle even grief quite like her. Great rest stop on the long and winding road, great space for online dance breaks!

This Is A War – Grief – Helpful reminders and ideas to help you navigate through the grieving process at your own pace.

Grief and Creativity – Creativity is forever an act of faith. It can help to get you moving out of any transition process simply “in the doingness of creative things.” Check it out.

Losing Your Parents  – Deals with grief and loss in terms of losing your parents. Great support and heart-opening updates.

 


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