Dear Jane,
I’m glad to see that you’re still alive. I think about you a lot and send you big love. I know you’re always searching for a way out and the holidays, your birthday and Halloween are particularly difficult. I just spoke to another woman who went through what you’re going through. It was with her whole family, mother, father, siblings, extended family and those who paid. You know the drill. But she escaped!
For those who don’t know Jane, you can search this manual for letters and videos I’ve sent to her. She is in an RA family. Ritual Abuse. I won’t go into the details to avoid triggering those who have been in it. This manual is not about telling the gory details or debating what you see in the news. This is about providing escape routes, information and a wide variety of pathways to healing so you can pick what works for you if you are a survivor, supporter or loved one. I didn’t know about RA or SRA when I first began speaking out about violence. Now that I do, I realize that the problem is such a huge beast, so dark and twisted that all I can do is help provide healing info and escape route ideas for those who have been through it. I love this girl Jane, as many of the Army of Angels do too. When I write to Jane, it is to all of you who are in it now, been through it, or know someone in it. Many times the therapists the victims are sent to are run by perps so even seeking help can be very tricky. If you have any resources that have worked, please share them. I know they’re watching this stuff so if one of you rapist freaks reads this remember to stop raping kids and go f*ck yourself and drive your car off a cliff while you’re at it. Merry Christmas.
I was telling this woman about you, Jane. I asked her how I could help you seeing that I’d tried and failed to help you escape. It was because at that time I didn’t know about the alters, code words, traps and various other things that are set up to keep you there. She knew all about it. She shared this information so I’m sharing it with you:
Educate yourself: Be able to define your situation (RA, SRA, CSEC, CSA, etc.), understand the logistics of it (if money is involved, know its path, where it comes from/where it goes/when, etc.), inform yourself so your decisions and plans are educated.
Stay safe: While planning your escape route, keep communications confidential and be wise about your contacting the outside world; seek help from professionals (therapists, law enforcement, survivor networks) first, and friends/support systems prudently.
Stay smart: Keep records in code. Note when the abuse happens, dates/times/with whom. Pay attention to patterns and frequency. You know your own situation best; learn to navigate it wisely.
Empower yourself: Remember that we’re your first best friend. When you feel alone, remember that you are one of many, and that you’ve already made it this far; you are stronger than you think you are. Remind yourself that you are not simply a product of the crazy. You can shift things if you remind yourself that what has happened/is happening is not okay. Think in thought experiments — when it feels too hard to make final decisions, remind yourself that you have options.
See the support around you: Books can be your best friend. Find solace in the words of great and powerful women. Remind yourself that you are among them.
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Here are some good resources for victims, supporters and those who care:
Girls Educational & Mentoring Services (GEMS) is the nation’s largest organization empowering girls and young women, ages 12-21, who have experienced sexual exploitation and domestic trafficking to exit the commercial sex industry and develop to their full potential. GEMS is committed to ending commercial sexual exploitation and domestic trafficking of children by changing individual lives, transforming public perception, and revolutionizing the systems and policies that impact sexually exploited youth. GEMS’ vision is to end the commercial exploitation and trafficking of children. We believe that all young women have great beauty and worth, and the potential for future success. The voices and experiences of youth survivors are integral to the development and implementation of all GEMS’ programming.
Polaris Project’s vision is for a world without slavery. Named after the North Star that guided slaves towards freedom along the Underground Railroad, Polaris Project has been providing a comprehensive approach to combating human trafficking and modern-day slavery since 2002. Polaris Project is one of the few organizations working on all forms of trafficking and serving both citizen and foreign national victims of human trafficking. Polaris Project’s comprehensive approach to combating human trafficking includes conducting direct outreach and victim identification, providing social services and transitional housing to victims, operating the National Human Trafficking Resource Center (NHTRC) serving as the central national hotline on human trafficking, advocating for stronger state and Federal anti-trafficking legislation, and engaging community members in local and national grassroots efforts.
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